


Lou

by worshippinglou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, M/M, Sad!Louis, anorexic!louis, gay relationship, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:31:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1223032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worshippinglou/pseuds/worshippinglou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After loosing lots of weight from his childhood, Louis refuses to put it back on. And to ensue he never gains it back, he starves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be my new story, it's going to have chapters and i _promise_ to update weekly. I hope you guys think it's good and leave kudos &comments! X

Memories of being a careless 13 year old boy flooded though Louis' mind. He remembered eating everything in sight, gaining 30 pounds in _one_ Summer; he remembered not caring. 

Until his mum made a comment. 

Louis was able to deal with being called chubby by his grandparents, by a few so-called friends, by the gym owner when his neighbor tried to take him there to loose some weight. But when his mum made a comment, that made him realize he actually needed to loose weight. 

It was when him, his mum, his little sisters, and his step dad were all at the dinner table. "Mum, can I have s'more pasta?" Louis asked. He saw her eye his step dad and sigh.

"Louis, you can't eat pasta like this every night. This isn't healthy. My sister has diabetes, my father had it too! Its in our genes, keep eating like this and you'll get it! You barely even stand up Louis! All you do is sit your lazy ass on the computer and play video games." She yelled. She didn't mean to sound rude, honestly. But she was concerned about her sons eating habits. 

"Your mums right Lou, I'm not picking on you, but you're getting heavy. Loose the weight now before its too late." His step dad said.

Louis felt tears burning behind his eyes when one of the twins joined in. "Lou Lou needs to loose a lot of weight!" She yelled out smiling. She didnt mean to be mean, she was only 6 after all.

Louis suddenly forgot about the pasta his stomach was aching for. He suddenly forgot about the buttered bread that his mum had warmed up. _They're right._ his mind spoke. 

And so Louis promised himself that he'd loose at least 40 lbs before he started high school in September, which was 2months away. 

"Alright guys." Was all Louis said before excusing himself from the table. He went up to his room and looked up some ways to loose weight. One of the links in google said something about loosing 30 pounds in 2 months said he couldnt ever eat more then 600 calories a day though. 

_I eat 3 times that though!_ he thought. 

Though something spoke to Louis that day. Something with a dark sense; _Thats the sacrifice that you'll make to stop looking like a disgusting fucking pig._

And when Louis heard that, he agreed. He was going to make that sacrifice. He wasn't going to be fat anymore.

§§§

Half a year later, Louis had made it. He'd been in high school for 2 months now, and it only took him 4 months to loose 55 pounds! He was proud, but it wasn't enough. He still thought he looked fat, maybe a bit better then he did 4 months ago, but Louis knew he needed to loose more. A lot more. 

He walked down the hall with his best mate, Liam. 

"So Lou, are you going to come with me or no?" 

Liam wanted him to double date with him and his new girlfriend, Sophia, at some posh restaurant. 

"Liam, I dont have a date." 

He'd need an excuse to not go and eat food. He didnt want to go and eat food, especially not in front of people.

Liam smirked, "Lou, I've set you up with someone.

"Liam! You know how I feel about dating!" Louis yelled, he didn't want to go out! 

"Come on, for me? Cant you please come?" Liam gave him those puppy eyes and, fuck it. Louis was going to go.

"Thank you thank you thank you! I couldn't say yes to Sophia without my best mate coming a long with me. And don't worry, your date is a charmer. You'll love him." 

"Him?" Louis asked.

"Yes _him_. Im not stupid Lou, I know your gay." Liam winked at Louis and walked inside one of the classrooms, leaving Louis in awe that Liam knew he was gay, and he himself hasn't even come to terms with it.

He couldn't be gay, he had a girl friend before! Sure, it was hard for him to even think about kissing her, but they still dated, making him straight. _Maybe I'm bi.._ he thought. 

And with that Louis was off to his first period class, wondering what his 'date' looked like. And wondering how he was going to manage eating food in front of him. It was going to be a long day.

§§§

Finally the last bell rung and Louis couldn't run out of that school faster. He walked towards the park a block away from school, because him and Liam usually met there. A few minutes later, Liam showed up with Sophias hand in his. 

"Hey Louis, I thought since we're all going out tonight I'd finally give you the pleasure of meeting my soul mate." He smiled.

Sophia looked at Louis and distached her hand from Liams, holding it out in from of her and waited for a hand shake. "I'm Sophia." She grinned.

Louis shook her hand and nodded "I'm Louis." 

"Great now you two have met so it won't be awkward tonight." Liam cheered.

"Have you forgotten the part where I have no idea who the hell my date is? It's going to be pretty awkward for me." Louis glared at the too-happy Liam in front of him.

"Oh shut up Lou, you'll get along great. Anyways," he sighed. "Be ready at 7 because all of us are going to show up at your house and we're taking the train."

"The train? Why? I hate trains!" Louis yelled. Liam was getting more and more on his nerves by the second.

"Because I'm not having any of our mums drop us off, and Harrys car is at the shop!" Liam argued.

"His names Harry? He has a _car_? How old is this guy?" Louis questioned.

Liam seriously couldn't have set him up with some crazy pedophile. He was glad Liam let that slip, now that he knows Harrys probably some bloke 10 years older then him, there was no way he was going!

"Calm down, he's only 16." Sophia said.

16 isn't that old. Louis was skeptical about this whole 'blind dating' thing, he had to admit. But he'd give it a try. Even though it most likely won't work out.

The thing that will happen is the four of them will get to the restaurant, order food, and then eat. Harry may like him for a while, but the second Harry realizes Louis is a fat fucking cow he'll leave, or make fun of him. Just like him mum did that one night.

Louis shuddered at the thought. He already knew what he'd order. A salad, and no more then that. 

"Fine, just.. Im sorry, I haven't dated since I was 12, and that wasn't even real dating. That was just me and some stupid girl talking more then we used to." He laughed. Liam and Sophia nodded and understood. 

"Its okay mate, It'll be fun." Liam smiled at Louis. 

"Now go home and get ready, you've got 4 hours until we're showing up!"

"Ah, I see Liam. Trying to get rid of me so you can make out with your 'soul mate'? Wanker." Louis was joking, of course.

"Yea yea, get out of here you cock block." Liam and Sophia laughed and Louis sighed. 

"See ya later guys." And he made his way home.

Louis decided that he was tired and needed a nap. He had 4 hours until everyone would show up, so he had time. 

He took off his clothes and left his boxers on, avoiding the mirror as he walked to his bed to sleep.

 _Lazy._

Louis jumped up. He hated when he heard that.. thing.

It never did anything but insult him. 

_Look at you, go put on clothes you pig._

The disgust in the things voice was so prominent to Louis that it burned. "Shut up!" He yelled. All he wanted was sleep, hot this monster hurting his feelings. 

"Lou?" His mother knocked on his door and walked in. "Who are you talking to honey? And where are your clothes?" She laughed softly.

Louis didn't like his mum. She made him feel just as bad about himself as that thing in his head did. 

_Your mum thinks you look disgusting without your clothes on. She thinks you look disgusting with them on too!_

Louis sighed, "Mum can you get out? Im just getting ready. Liam and some of our friends are going out tonight." 

"Oh? Where?" She smiled. Now, Louis never used to leave his house. Video games and food were pretty much his entire life before that talk at dinner. For a while he'd only play video games, and stopped eating for a whole week. 

He dropped 7 pounds that week, he remembers.

So he guessed that now since he actually had human contact with real people his mum was proud. She was probably even prouder about his weight loss though.

"Just to some restaurant." He spoke quietly. "Can I be alone now?" 

She nodded. "Alright Lou.." His mum walked to the door. "Love you." She smiled, and left. 

He sighed, Louis honestly could not wait to move out of this house. 

§§§


	2. Chapter 2

7 O clock eventually came, and Louis still had no idea what he was wearing. He already did his hair, and tried on about 10 different outfits. But his pudgy stomach stuck out too much in everything he put on! And don't even get him started on his _thighs_! They looked like 3 times the size of Liam's thighs! Louis wished he had Liam's body. He hated himself so much.

"What the hell am I gunna wear?" He cried to himself. They were going to be here any minute and Louis was sat here in boxers with tears in his eyes. 

Eventually he heard a knock on his bedroom door and it opened. Liam came in. 

"Hey Lo- you haven't gotten dressed yet? Harry and Sophia are downstairs talking to your mum!" Liam said, chuckling a bit.

But then he saw that Louis was very upset, and since when has Louis had a thigh gap? A very big thigh gap. His best friend had always been a bit chubby, why hadn't he realized sooner how thin he now was?

"Hey, come on don't cry. Here, I'll pick something out for you." 

"No Liam! I look disgusting in everything I don't want to go!" Louis yelled. 

Liam was shocked, he'd never heard Louis talk badly about himself, it just wasn't Louis. 

He looked through Louis' closet and found a pair of black jeans. "Put on these jeans, I've seen you wear them before and your arse looks great in them." He smirked and for the first time since he'd got there Louis smiled. He took the pants and put them on, Louis thought he looked fat, but they were better than everything else he'd tried on before.

"Now.." Liam said, continuing his search for Louis outfit. "Oh! This is perfect! Put on this blazer, its not too fancy but you still would look high class in it." He smiled, handing Louis the shirt. "And put this tanktop on underneath it and that'll look great. Meet us downstairs when youre ready mate. Harry can't wait to see you." He winked and left. 

Louis put on the clothes, and noticed that the blazer was loose on him and falling off his shoulder a bit. He'd just have to keep picking it up through out the date. He put on navy blue vans and sighed. He didn't look as good as he hoped to, but it'll have to do.

Now he had to go downstairs to see that Harry guy. What if he was mean? Or if he didn't like Louis and was disappointed in how fat Louis looks? 

There was no going back now, he walked down the stairs into the kitchen where his mum, Sophia, Liam and a very gorgeous green eyed lad who he assumed to be Harry were. 

"Ah Louis, you finally made it!" Liam cheered. He saw Harry turn around to meet his gaze. His eyes were like green crystals, and his skin was porcelain, no blemishes _anywhere_. He was very tall, probably a half foot taller then himself, Louis thought with a blush. He liked it when the guy was taller then him. But Louis couldn't help but notice how _thin_ Harry was. Thin, and perfect. Louis was jealous.

"Well, Harold, this is Louis. And Lou, this is Harry!" Sophia yelled.

Liam and Sophia were too-cheery of a couple, he thought. 

But then Harry smiled at Louis, "Hi." He said. And if that wasn't the most adorable thing Louis'd ever heard, he didn't know what was. 

But all of the sudden as Louis went to pick his hand up to wave to Harry, he'd hit the wall on accident, too focused on Harrys gaze to pay attention to anything else. "Oops!" He yelled out.

Everyone giggled, including Harry. "Sorry," Louis said, flustered. "I'm L-Louis." He smiled.

Harry, still giggling, nodded. "Nice to meet you, finally." He smiled.

Louis grinned back at him. Harry didn't seem like he hated Louis, he actually seemed quite fond of him! Maybe he didn't look as bad as he thought he did!

_Just wait until he realizes that you're actually going to eat. He'll think you're a fat pig, just like everyone else here already does."_

That made Louis smile drop almost instantly. "Yea." He said softly. "Are we uh, we going now?" He asked. 

"Yea guys. Lets go now before we miss the train!" Sophia yelled and soon Liam and her started jogging towards the door with Louis and Harry following behind them. 

They eventually reached the train and showed up right on time because they were able to just go right inside fort he ride. 

Louis really hated trains. He was claustrophobic and felt like they would get stuck and then the doors wouldn't open ever again and they'd all rot in here. 

Of course, Louis was a bit insane and there a one in a million chance that would ever happen. 

Liam and Sophia took their seats next to each other, leaving Louis and Harry standing awkwardly since the train was crowded and had no empty seats left. 

Louis kept his eyes on the ground, feeling like the whole train was caving in on him. He could feel other people who had to stand because there wasn't any empty seats _breathing_ on him. He started to feel sick but then- 

"Are you alright Louis? Liam says you hate trains." Harry chuckled and asked. His breath hit Louis' ear, but his breath wasn't like everyone else's. Harry's was warm and made Louis feel at home. 

"I do," he breathed out. " 'M very claustrophobic." 

"I wish I could've just driven us all, but my stupid car light blew out and the mechanics have no idea why, they said it should only take a day to replace it though." Harry said. 

"Oh, well it's alright. I mean the ride should only be about 10 minutes anyways.. Right?" Louis asked and shot Harry an anxious look. 

"Give or take a few minutes, but nothing bad will happen. Trust me, I'm here." He smiled at Louis and then put a hand on his small shoulder. Louis shifted uncomfortably, he didn't want Harry to feel his fat! 

Harry somehow got the message and awkwardly removed his hand. Louis gave him a small smile, and before they knew it, they were at the restaurant. 

_§§§_

Once the four of them were seated at a small booth on the right side of the posh place, they began to talk about random things. 

Harry exclaimed that he liked playing football(soccer) and tried out for the team last year, but they said he wasn't ready yet. He said he wants to try again this year. 

Sophia said she joined the Glee club in school, and that she was going to force Liam to join too. She just thought he had a really great voice. 

Louis thought both Harry and Sophia were really nice, and he wanted to join in the conversation, he really did. But he couldn't help but feel anxious about having to order food in a few minutes. Everyone started looking through their menu's, so Louis thought he should too. 

He came across something called the "House Salad" which only had lettuce, cheddar cheese, tomatoes and weird spices that Louis couldn't pronounce. The good thing was that it only had 120 calories! Thats more then enough of what he'd normally allow himself for dinner, but he couldn't just eat nothing. Liam already witnessed his mini-breakdown before, he didn't want any questions asked about this too. 

"You guys know what you're gettin'?" Harry asked. Everyone nodded. "I'll call the waiter over." 

Harry put his hand in the air and made some sort of signal and their waiter came over and took their orders. 

"Um, I'll have the roasted chicken with barbecue sauce and french fries? And a Pepsi, please." Liam said. 

"Can I get the Burger with ketchup, and french fries. But a little coleslaw on the side?" Sophia asked, the waiter nodded and wrote down the food. 

"Lou, you can order first." Harry smiled. Louis knew he was trying to be kind, but he really didn't want to order his food with everyone staring at him. 

"O-okay. Can I have the.. The House Salad?" He asked, Louis never realized he could make his voice sound so quiet. 

The waiter nodded, writing down Louis' order. "That all?" She asked. Louis nodded, "With water? Please." He asked. 

She moved on to Harry, who didn't really look like he was paying attention to what Louis ordered (no one was.). "Uh, let me get the sautéed chicken with sauce on the side and a Sprite." He smiled kindly and collected everyones menu's, handing them to the waiter. She left with their orders. 

Now that their orders were finally in, Louis breathed a small sigh of relief and could actually join the conversation now. 

"So you're trying out for the footie team?" He asked Harry. 

"Yea, I really hope I make it this year. I mean, I'm a sophomore now. So I think I'm ready. What about you? You like footie?" Harry asked. 

"I do, I'm probably not any good though." Louis sighed. 

"Liar, Louis' great at football. To this day, I've never gotten a ball past him." Liam glared at Louis. Harry laughed. 

"You should try out with me, bet I could beat you." He winked. 

"Mhh, I'll think about it." He smiled. 

And that was that. The four continued with their small tall, each of them learning more and more about each other- except for Liam and Louis. They already knew everything there was to know about one another. 

Louis realized that even more now, because every time he opened his mouth to talk to Harry, Liam would give him an odd smile, letting him know that he knew Louis liked him.

And Louis couldn't argue. He did like Harry. 

Their conversation was cut short though, when the waiter arrived with the food again. She put the food down in front of them all and they cheered, but Louis didn't. He frowned. 

Once the waiter left, Liam spoke up. "Thats all you ordered Lou? Just a salad?"

And it made Louis so disgusted to think that his friend thought he would want more. He was already being greedy by eating _cheese_! He couldn't allow himself to have anymore, Liam must've been crazy. Or he just wanted to see Louis blow up like a fat cow.

"Uhh, yea?" He answered, thought it came out more like a question.

"That salad is like, a fourth of my plate." Sophia commented, giggling. 

Louis just shrugged, he really didn't want their topic of conversation to be about his food. He glanced to his side though, where Harry was sitting. Harry eyed Louis food with what looked like a frown on his face, or maybe it was.. concern?

Concern.

Louis hated that word. He remembered when his mum was concerned about him getting so fat. Maybe Harry was concerned now too. 

But he ignored it anyways and started eating, like everyone else already had. 

It ended up taking Louis about 15 minutes to eat half of the salad. He tried to will his stomach to shut up, it kept making noises and being greedy, begging for more after Louis had stopped after half the salad was gone. But he wouldn't give in. He didn't want Harry to think he was such a fat pig. 

Louis hadn't realized everyone was already fully finished with their dinners, when he looked up from his mean with a pale face, Harry gave him a soft smile.

Maybe Harry was disappointed in him, for eating too much. Louis knew he wasn't going to be able to keep it down. 

"Mind if I head to the loo real quick? Then we can go?" Louis smiled and stood. 

They nodded and Harry stood, letting Louis out of the booth they were in. 

Louis couldn't of sprinted to the bathroom any faster then he did. And once he got in there he was more then relieved to find it empty. He stepped in the biggest stall their was and kneeled before the grimy toilet. He stuck three fingers down his throat and scratched. Hard.

After dry heaving a few times, he threw up. He threw up until he felt empty once again, and then rested his head against the toilet. He noticed that there was a drop of some one else's piss next to his face, but couldn't even bring himself to care. He sighed and stood up, flushing the toilet, rinsing him mouth put, and walking back to the table as if nothing even happened.

"You alright Lou? You were in there for a while." Liam said.

"Im fine Li, we should get going now."

And so they did, walking back to the train station and getting back inside of the too-small space with too many people. He felt Harrys hand on his waist once they were in the train, but he didn't say anything. Harry kept his hand there as they walked back to Louis' house to drop him off since his mum was the only over protective one that wanted him home by 9. 

As he left his friends and that gorgeous Harry-lad, he couldn't help but to wish Harrys hand was back on his waist. 

Because it felt nice. He felt loved.

§§§

As Louis went to undress himself that night, he saw a small paper fly out of his pants pocket. He furrowed his eyebrows but picked it up to see what it said.

_555-555-5555. Text me? -Harry xxx_

Three x's from Harry? Louis blushed, he was flustered. But he took his phone out anyways and typed a message to Harry.

_To: Harry_

_Not sure if u'r still up but its me, Lou! haha xx_

Less then a minute later he got a response.

_From: Harry_

_hi lou! im glad u found the paper, was a bit cheeky of me to do that. hmm? ;) xx_

And was Harry _flirting_ with Louis now? He let out a quick breath of embarrassment. Harry was too adorable. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep that night, he'd be too busy chatting with Harry. 

And he was totally okay with that.

§§§


End file.
